



       Urusei                                                    Yatsura

                                _U_r_u_s_e_i _Y_a_t_s_u_r_a
                                  Episode #27
                            ``_M_e_n_d_o, _w_i_t_h _T_r_o_u_b_l_e''


                          Version 1.0: Sue Shambaugh
                                 Date Unknown


                           Version 2.0: Jeff Okamoto
                                   02/05/89

       This script is a translation of a copyrighted work, and as such,
           it is subject to applicable international copyright laws.

                                     *****
                  Reproduction of this material is permitted
                         for NON-PROFIT purposes only!
                                     *****






                                  GRANDFATHER
                                   Shutaro.

                                  GRANDFATHER
           After today, you've changed to a new school, haven't you.
                                     Ah...
                              What was it called?

                                   ATTENDANT
                Most respectfully, it is Tomobiki High School.

                                  GRANDFATHER
                               Yes, that was it.
       Shutaro, this time try to be an example to everyone at this school.
               Try to make the name of Mendo known to the world.

                                     MENDO
                               Yes, Grandfather.
               I swear by the coat of arms of the Mendo family.

                                  GRANDFATHER
                        Oh, reliable, valiant Shutaro.
                         Have you got a handkerchief?
                          Have you got toilet paper?

                                     MENDO
                               Yes, Grandfather.

                                   ATTENDANT
                          Sir, it will be time soon.

                                     MENDO
                                     Good.

                                    VOICES
                  205 seconds until arrival at descent point!
                           Descent hatch, stand by!
                       Send out the back-up helicopter!
                       Begin approach after 15 seconds!

                                   ATTENDANT
                                  Good luck!

                                     MENDO
                                     Yes!

                                     MENDO
                                     Yahh!

                                    SHINOBU
                          I can't stand it any more!

                                     ATARU
                               Stop it, Shinobu.
                                     Stop!

                                    SHINOBU
                         Flirting all morning long...

                                     ATARU
                                     Wah!

                                    SHINOBU
                              It's unforgiveable!

                                     ATARU
                                  Calm down!
                                Calmly, calmly.

                                    MEGANE
                           It's like this every day.

                                    PALMER
                         There's no progress for them.

                                     CHIBI
                    No, but it's something to think about.
       With this, the instruction of this afternoon will come to a halt.

                                     ATARU
                                     Wah!
                                    Ouch...

                                     ATARU
                                 What's that?

                                    VOICES
                                  What is it?
                              What in the world?

                                     MENDO
                                Right on time.

                                     GIRLS
                                     Wow!
                                     Cute!

                                   ATTENDANT
                    Sir, Shutaro, have you arrived safely?

                                     MENDO
                 I won't be discouraged by a thing like this.

                                   ATTENDANT
                    We'll visit again when school is over.

                                     GIRLS
                                     Wah!

                                     ATARU
                         Hey you, the snob over there!

                                     MENDO
                                      Hm?
                                   Who, me?

                                     ATARU
                         Everyone else is in tatters.
                              Who else but you?!
                                     That!
                                 What is that!

                                     MENDO
          That is our Mendo family private heavy-bomber attack plane!
                           My name is Shutaro Mendo.
          After today, I've transferred to this Tomobiki High School,
       but from day one, being punctual concerns the honor of the Mendo family.
                Accordingly, in this way, things are in order.
         However, it was a frightful reception, sending desks flying.

                                    SHINOBU
                                     Um...
                                  Forgive me.
                       I'm the one who threw the desks.

                                     MENDO
                                  Y - You...?
                              I can't believe it.
                         A beautiful person like you.
                      At any rate, don't worry about it.

                                      LUM
                   He's got faster hands than you, Darling.

                                     MENDO
                                 So, smile...

                                     ATARU
                                 Hey, Shinobu!
                              What have you done?

                                      LUM
                               You're shameful.

                                     GIRLS
                        Hey, hey, your family, Mendo...
                      If it's that Mendo Conglomerate...
                                  No kidding!

                                     MENDO
                               Heh, heh, heh...
                    It's something I can't very well hide.
                       Certainly, I'm that Mendo, but...
                               A Conglomerate...

                                     GIRL
                                      Ah!

                                     MENDO
                   There's a stray thread on your shoulder.
                     I want to become a stray thread, too.
                         Because I can be near you...

                                    MEGANE
                  We're lacking in that kind of snobbishness.

                                     CHIBI
                       That's not all - He's got money.

                                     ATARU
                                   Fickle...
                                  Traitor...

                                    SHINOBU
                              Gloomy, aren't you.
         I'm writing a love letter to Mendo, so don't get in the way.

                                     MENDO
                           You mustn't eat the desk.
                                 (To Shinobu)
              Well, you're the beauty who was throwing the desks.

                                    SHINOBU
                               Call me Shinobu.

                                     MENDO
                 Hey, you ugly fellow who was eating the desk!

                                     ATARU
                          I wish you'd call me Ataru.
                              Shinobu hates you!
                           Stop hanging around her!

                                     MENDO
                                    What?!

                                 MENDO & ATARU
                                     Grr!

                                    MEGANE
                                  Gentlemen!
       I think we must return to normal school life as soon as possible.
                      We've been waiting for a President!
       In today's home room, the election of new officers has been scheduled.
          At the outset, I think I want to decide the class chairman.

                                     MENDO
                         I'll run for class chairman.

                                    VOICE 1
                               If it's Mendo...

                                    VOICE 2
                     Mendo, state your campaign promises!

                                     MENDO
                           Well, one of my plans...
                                 (Bangs desk)
              First of all, I'll discipline people who are late.
               Lateness is the root of all evil of student life!
                   Permanently, in one corner of the school,
       I'll establish a torture chamber for the exclusive use of our class.

                                     MENDO
                                  In there...
                            We'll send latecomers.
              To punish them thoroughly - And I mean thoroughly!

                                     ATARU
                                    Mendo!
               Don't use me as an example without my permission!

                                     MENDO
           We'll use lie detectors on those who leave school early.
               For those who've played truant, thorough pursuit,
         and the Mendo family private police will inflict punishment!

                                     MENDO
                  Without delay, banishing these three evils,
                    I want to begin a cheerful class year.

                                    MEGANE
                             Where is it cheerful!
                     If he's elected, he'll really do it.

                                     MENDO
           However, these penalties won't be applied to the ladies.
                     Because we mustn't cause girls pain.

                                    MEGANE
                  So, it's no trouble to cause the guys pain.
                      We need someone to run against him.
                              That can't be all!
                         However, the usual person...
                                   Is here!
                           He's an uncommon fellow.

                                    VOICE 1
                            You're no common jerk.
                     If I must say, he's below average...

                                    VOICE 2
                   There's no more ordinary person anywhere.

                                    VOICE 3
                   You're the only one who can oppose Mendo.

                                     ATARU
                      Well, if I become class chairman...
                     All the girls in class will be mine!

                                     VOICE
                           Announcing the results...

                                     MENDO
                                  A - A tie!
                             I tied with a jerk!!

                                     ATARU
                        Long-winded, surprised person.

                                      LUM
                            Darling, do well, too!

                                     MENDO
                The proper form for duels has been handed down
                             in the Mendo family.
                                  All right?

                                     ATARU
                     I hope you can afford the whole cost.

                              COMMENTATOR YAMADA
                                 It's a duel!

                                     MENDO
                Moroboshi, whoever skillfully breaks the apple
                     on his opponent's head is the winner.
                     The weapon I will use is this cannon.

                                     ATARU
          Your whole family lived through this type of stupid duel?!

                                     MENDO
                                 No arguments!
                      There is only death for the loser!
                The sign is when this knife strikes the earth.

                                     ATARU
                              I won't be beaten!

                                     MENDO
                             Farewell, Moroboshi!

                                     ATARU
                                      Ah!

                                     MENDO
                                Reload - Hurry.

                                   ATTENDANT
                                Yes, heave-ho.

                                    MEGANE
                                 Let go of me!
                   I don't feel like sharing this with you!

                                     MENDO
                       Ha, ha, ha - No more, this is it.

                                     MENDO
                         Moroboshi, prepare yourself.

                                     ATARU
                               D - Don't shoot!

                                      LUM
                                   Darling.

                                     ATARU
                                   Save me!

                                      LUM
                                    What?!

                                     MENDO
                          Get out of the way, beauty.
                        I don't want to harm a beauty.
                       This has nothing to do with you.

                                      LUM
           Where in the world is a wife who would leave her husband
                                 in the lurch!

                                     MENDO
                                     Hah.

                                    MEGANE
                                  Hey, Ataru.
                              Hey, look at that!
                                   You won?

                                     ATARU
                                  Well, yes.

                                     MENDO
                                   Beaten...
                               Beaten ignobly...
                             Bring the usual here.

                                   ATTENDANT
                                   Yes, Sir.

                                     GIRL
                                 Mendo, stop.

                                     MENDO
                          Beaten by a jerk like that,
                   is shame unto the last Mendo generation.
                           Shut up and let me do it.

                                    SHINOBU
                              You can't do that.
                         If you die, then I will, too.

                                     GIRLS
                                   Oh, no...

                                    MEGANE
                            Idiotic, is what it is.

                                     MENDO
                                     Ah...
              I'll be crushed under the weight of all this love.

                                      END

                                         E n r i q u e  C o n t y
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